A View On The Crucifixion of Christ

The other day I was talking to someone, and she asked me a question.  I had tossed around the same question with no good answer years before. Her question was about Christ's death.  She asked, "Why did it have to be that way, why did it have to be so violent?"  My friend was resigned to not knowing the answer this side of heaven, but her question stirred up my curiosity and made me wonder all over again.

Funny how her question collided with my daily meditation and somehow the two caused me to come up with a new understanding.

I realized that even though Jesus was sinless, He was carrying our sins. It was our sins that caused Him to be tortured and to die a horrific death.   None of that was new, but I realized that without Jesus our sins would cause us to have the same sort of torture, only it wouldn't last a day or two. It would last for an eternity! His death was just a glimpse of what our future would hold without Him.

When I look at His crucifixion that way it makes absolute sense, and it reminds me of God's great love for us.  2nd Peter 3:9 tells us that God wants that no one would perish, but that all would have everlasting life.  I'm no theologian, but I think that God was giving us a very graphic picture, and He was also letting us know that no one is exempt from judgement.

Truth vs. Lies

Last Sunday morning at the Cowboy Church, the preacher asked if I wanted a preview of his sermon.  I said sure!

He said, "Christ can only tell the truth, and Satan can only tell lies."  

I knew the first part of the sentence was true, but I'd never spent much time thinking about Satan.  I knew he is a thief that comes to kill, steal, and destroy, but I'd never really thought about it much more than that.

That little conversation made me think ... which lead me to investigate Gods messages to us.  He never give us messages about hopelessness and worthlessness. He tells us repeatedly throughout the Bible that He is love, that we are His children, that we are not alone, and that we have value.  He tells us 365 times to 'fear not.'  

Jeremiah 20:11 sums it up.  It says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  

So where do those little 'voices' telling me I'm unloveable, or I'm a loser come from?  Certainly not from the One who created me! Those types of messages are totally inconsistent with the messages He gives us in the Bible.

But those types of messages are absolutely consistent with the one who cannot tell the truth! The bible tells us he prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to destroy!  So to buy into his lies is to deceive ourselves, and to give power to the one who's only desire is to hurt us!

Any thought contrary to that verse in Jeremiah comes straight from Satan, the father of all liars! If I want to live a beautiful life, I have to purge Satan's lies from my mind and abide in the beautiful truths of Christ

Looking Backwards

This past September, before I was diagnosed with cancer, I took a part-time job at the school, teaching children who had difficulty reading. It was an ideal job while I was going through chemo because I worked with children individually, or in small groups.  I was so weak that managing a large class would've been overwhelming! 

It was good for me to work during this season of my life. The new challenge of teaching kept my mind busy, and the children gave me tons of joy!  The only problem was that (as one of my friends put it) I was working in a petri dish full of germs!

Chemo is notorious for annihilating the immune system, and I was no exception! Throughout treatment my white blood count was lower than low. There were times we would get to El Paso and there would be a debate about whether I could tolerate more chemo because of my blood count.  

I thought about wearing a mask to protect myself from the germs, but because I was using multi-sensory teaching techniques, the children needed to see my mouth and clearly hear my words.  A mask just wasn't an option.

My next thought was, if I can't wear a mask, maybe the children can. I got the greenlight from administration, then explained to the kids about the cancer and my fragile immune system.  I showed them the masks, and asked them to wear them if they had any symptom of sickness.  We spent a few minutes writing their names on their masks and decorating them, then I put them on the shelf where the kids could get them!

Throughout the spring semester the children would consistently come in and go straight to the shelf, get their mask, and put it on if they had a cough, or runny nose, or just felt bad. I never once had to ask them or remind them. Once the novelty of wearing the masks wore off, they were a pain, but the children continued to wear them to protect my health.  Even now, when I think about it, I get teary-eyed because the children were so caring!

Much of the spring semester I felt like I worked with a combination of the flu and a stomach bug.  It bothered me that my 'chemo-sickness' would negatively impact my classroom. Thankfully, the children progressed beautifully in their reading, writing, and spelling skills. 

Beyond academics there were some pretty important life lessons happening too! Certainly, lessons in consideration, and helpfulness!  Hopefully I demonstrated lessons in pushing beyond tough circumstances, while maintaining a good attitude!

This may sound like the year was kind of dreary, but In the midst of the difficulties, there was lots of laughter!  The funniest thing that happened was while we were doing an activity, my cap fell off. The kids were shocked to see my bald head, and they weren't sure how to react. Their precious, confused little faces were so adorable I couldn't help but laugh! When the kids realized it was ok, we all just sat on the floor laughing until tears ran down our cheeks!

I guess when you pass through hard times and look backwards, you can see the many blessings.  My blessings came in the form of precious students, supportive administration, and my sweet fellow teachers, friends, and family who sent floods of cards and messages of support, hope, and encouragement!  

I will always remember the 2017 - 18 as the hardest year of my life, but it's a year I wouldn't trade for anything. As I reflect back I have great gratitude for the many blessings this year brought!

Tenderness

Today, Teryn and I celebrate 37 years of marriage.  He doesn't know it, but he gave me the best gift ever this past weekend.

I've been having a post chemo complication for 5 weeks now.  My legs and feet are swelling, and when I stand or walk my pulse skyrockets, and my legs feel like jello.  Since I can't sit back during the day with my feet elevated, that's what I do when I get home from work.  Teryn waits on me hand and foot.  He brings me water, cooks, cleans, and does everything, while I just sit!

The other day, I was getting pretty frustrated, and said, "What if I'm like this for the rest of my life?"

Without a moments hesitation, Teryn answered, "Then I'll spend the rest of my life taking care of you!"

Cancer has changed our usual joking relationship, and the rough, tough cowboy has become very sweet and tender!  His answer to my question was the best gift he could have given, even after 37 years together!

Life Story

I often dream about the things that I see or hear during the day. The other day I read that Hemingway was challenged to write a six word story. The story was, 'For sale. Baby shoes. Never used.' 

That story packed a powerful punch, so it stayed with me, and I wound up dreaming about it. In my dream I was asking people to write their life story in six words. All night long, I'd wake up and work on my six word story, go to sleep, just to wake up and continue working on it. 

The next morning I told Teryn about it. He came up with his six word story within minutes. His was, 'Lost. Found. Forgiven. Redeemed. Eternal life!' After thinking about it for days, I think mine is, 'Ordinary life transformed. Now purpose-driven. Extraordinary!'

So, to continue my dream, can you write your life story in six words? If you can, please share!

A Beautiful Explanation of GOD

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?”The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”

“Nonsense” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”

The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”

The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”

The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”

The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”

“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”

The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”

The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”

Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”

To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.”

God and Suffering

I joined the Sisterhood of Cancer Survivors back in December when I was diagnosed with cancer. This was definitely not a club I ever thought I would join!  But, one thing I've been very clear about is that I want to glorify God in all that I do....even if it means membership to this dreaded sisterhood!

So I did a search and found the following quote. "God can use suffering to cause us to: 1) mature and grow, 2) to lovingly use it for a higher good, 3) to display His work in me, & 4) as a way of chiseling me into the image of Christ."

I know many people would debate that an all powerful, loving God would allow pain and suffering!  God didn't create this world to have suffering. He wanted it to be perfect, but He is a gentleman and would not override man's choice. When Adam and Eve chose to disobey, sin (and all the other bad things) entered this world. 

The good news is that God is a good and perfect parent, and He can use our suffering for His purposes!  A good parent will see to it that their child grows to their full extent in every way possible. If a child is struggling with a lesson they need to learn, the parent won't rescue that child, but will be there loving, guiding, and teaching!  Even if the parent is watching through their own tears!

That's a picture of God. He is that good, loving parent! I can't fully know or understand the spiritual realms. But He does! Maybe he allowed this, and is using it to prepare me for what lies up ahead. 

Certainly, this trial has already caused me to grow spiritually, and to have deeper levels of love, compassion, appreciation, and gratitude.   I'm also learning what's helpful (and not so helpful) regarding how to comfort others who are suffering, and learning to witness to others more effectively.  And I know He's there every step of the way, loving, guiding, and teaching.  How can I be anything but thankful?

"I'm pissed that you got cancer!  You don't deserve that!"  Those were the words of one of my friends this week.  I have to admit I felt that way for a little bit. But the further I get into this, the more I understand that our trials are truly blessings in disguise!

This trial of cancer slapped me out of the trance I was in, it forced me to make a decision.  I could continue to trudge forward, taking life for granted, feeling like it was an obligation rather than a gift, and let nature take its course, or, I could sign up for the battle by getting treatment.  

The problem was, I'm not afraid of death. I have absolute confidence that after death I will be in a perfect place that is far beyond my greatest imaginings, and at this point in my life, that place seems extremely inviting!  

So why fight?  It didn't make sense to prolong life, at great physical and financial expense, if life was just an obligation.  The only way I could justify getting treatment was if I could see life as the treasure God designed it to be!

Kathy Mattea sang a song in the 80's,” Standing Knee Deep in a River and Dying of Thirst.”  The main chorus follows.

          They roll by just like water, and I guess we never learn.

          we go through life, parched and empty,

          standin' knee deep in a river, and dying of thirst...

My experience of life is that many of us are standing knee deep in what we long for the most, and we don’t even know it's there.  Maybe it isn't wrapped up quite like what we thought it would be, so we don't recognize it. And all the time it's just sitting there waiting for us to notice.

I realize now that the thing I wasn't noticing was that love is all around me.  But because of some extremely difficult rejections, my eyes were closed to the love that remained.  So, as I stood at the cross-roads trying to decide what to do, my eyes began to open to those around me, who love me, not out of obligation, but out of an overflow of their own love of God. It wasn't a love I had to earn, it wasn't a love I had to fear losing. It was simply love for love's sake! I was standing knee-deep in it and didn't know it was there all because it was wrapped in packages I didn't recognize.

So, my dear friend, don't be angry! My world needed shaking so that I could truly see. This trial helps me know more fully God's mercy and grace, and His love for me.  I can't imagine a more perfect way to get my attention, than to have me stand where I was, evaluate, and make a decision.  

Without this trial, my eyes may never have been opened to the beauty surrounding me.  And because this isn't something I can overcome quickly, I will have the time I need to fully make the heart changes that need to be made.  I can say, truly our trials are blessings in disguise!

New Season

 Well, we are entering a new season of life! I was diagnosed with breast cancer on December 22. It seems like an unreal dream!  But this process continues, and yesterday I started chemo.   They gave me some strong anti-nausea drugs along with steroids before the chemo started and so far I feel fine!   My project this morning was to give myself a chemo cut in preparation for what's to come, and to document the blessings involved with this trail.  I hope this blog will help me keep my eyes focused where they need to be, in gratitude of the many blessings I have.  I also pray that it might bless someone else who may be going through their own trials!

The picture below is phase 1. The chemo cut. There is a lot about this cancer I can't control, but I can control this... for now..so I'm going to have a little fun with my hair!

I think most people who know me well would not say that I have too many control issues. But maybe I have control issues over myself,  thinking I should be able to control all things Cinda.   Maybe this cancer is revealing areas in my life that I need to deal with.  This cancer is something beyond my control! That may be the hardest part of it right now.  There's not much I can count on .. I don't know if I'll be able to keep working, appointments with the oncologist 3 hrs. away keep popping up, I'm afraid to eat because of the possibility of nausea. The list could go on. But I am thankful that even when I'm not in control I know who is. I know that "God is a disruptor a false peace, He is the developer of dynamic character, and He is an ever present deliverer."  I am thankful to the Lord for the work he's doing in my life, even when I don't fully understand or when I can't control the things around me...I know Who is truly in control and I can rest in that!