Can I Please Have Your Hair?

I'm very grateful to be able to say that my cancer journey is over! I'm done with the chemo, radiation, and surgery, and am gaining strength daily! But there are still a few loose ends that need to be tied up. The main one being hair! I've been hairless for a year and a half, and though my hair is 3 inches long now, I feel self-conscious walking around with a 'burr' haircut! As I lay in bed the other night, thinking about my hair dilemma, I remembered seeing a YouTube video on headband bangs many months before. I Realized that if I just had some bangs, I'd be ok with my little short nubs! The more I thought about it the more I realized that I HAD to have some hair and I needed it NOW! In just two days, my husband and I were planning to go to a formal dance. It had been a long time since we'd gone out. The treatment and related side effects had sapped my strength, and my required daily activities took everything I had. It'd been a long time since we'd been able to have a little fun! I longed to have hair for the dance!! There was no hope of finding extensions in the remote area we live in and there was no time to order anything. Besides the hair that was growing out, was an odd mixture of colors that would've been extremely difficult to match! So after some deep thought, I decided my only option was to MAKE headband bangs. So I called a few beauty shops in the area and asked if they could save some hair after a haircut for me. I estimated that I needed somewhere between 5 to 8 inches. When I explained my situation, the beauticians were eager to help, but said that it is unusual for anyone to get that much hair cut off, and it was Easter weekend, so most shops would be closed!

One of the ladies though, suggested that I make a post on social media. I thanked her politely, but hung up, disappointed, thinking I'd have to ditch my plan because I was just too embarrassed to make the post. What would I say anyway? "Can I please have your hair?" But, I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. After some serious thought, I decided that everyone who knows me, suspects I'm a little bit crazy. I decided I would just confirm their suspicions! So before I could change my mind, I made the post. Within 10 MINUTES I had 3 offers! One from a little girl with beautiful, thick, black hair. Another from a friend who is about my age who had a mix of brown and gray hair. The last offer was a wiglet from a teen who lived nearby. I was amazed and floored by the generosity of my little community. I went to talk to the little girl and her mother, and they told me that she had donated to Locks of Love before and she would happily give me her hair. Problem is that her hair was very dark, and I didn't really think I could lighten it up enough to blend with my cinnamon and sugar stubbs. Then I went to see my friend, Gloria. It turned out that her hair was very similar to mine. We visited for a while, and during our visit, she realized that I was anxious to start my project. So she said, "Have you ever cut hair before?" I assured her that I was the family beautician, and I had cut everyone's hair, including my own, many, many, times throughout the years. I may have omitted the fact that my haircuts were never terribly appreciated, but nonetheless I did have experience! So, then and there, we cut her hair! Unbelieveable! I posted at 5:30, and before the night was over, I had real human hair that matched my own! I am astounded by the kindness of those around me and my heart is brimming with love and joy right now! There is a beautiful verse that comes to mind as I consider the sweetness that was shown me. The verse is 1 Cor. 1:1-3. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Thank you my friends for showing me that love!!!!! (The picture above shows me with my new bangs. I was very happy with how they turned out!)

                                           A View On The Crucifixion of Christ

The other day I was talking to someone, and she asked me a question.  I had tossed around the same question with no good answer years before. Her question was about Christ's death.  She asked, "Why did it have to be that way, why did it have to be so violent?"  My friend was resigned to not knowing the answer this side of heaven, but her question stirred up my curiosity and made me wonder all over again.

Funny how her question collided with my daily meditation and somehow the two caused me to come up with a new understanding.

I realized that even though Jesus was sinless, He was carrying our sins. It was our sins that caused Him to be tortured and to die a horrific death.   None of that was new, but I realized that without Jesus our sins would cause us to have the same sort of torture, only it wouldn't last a day or two. It would last for an eternity! His death was just a glimpse of what our future would hold without Him.

When I look at His crucifixion that way it makes absolute sense, and it reminds me of God's great love for us.  2nd Peter 3:9 tells us that God wants that no one would perish, but that all would have everlasting life.  I'm no theologian, but I think that God was giving us a very graphic picture, and He was also letting us know that no one is exempt from judgement.

Truth vs. Lies

Last Sunday morning at the Cowboy Church, the preacher asked if I wanted a preview of his sermon.  I said sure!

He said, "Christ can only tell the truth, and Satan can only tell lies."  

I knew the first part of the sentence was true, but I'd never spent much time thinking about Satan.  I knew he is a thief that comes to kill, steal, and destroy, but I'd never really thought about it much more than that.

That little conversation made me think ... which lead me to investigate Gods messages to us.  He never give us messages about hopelessness and worthlessness. He tells us repeatedly throughout the Bible that He is love, that we are His children, that we are not alone, and that we have value.  He tells us 365 times to 'fear not.'  

Jeremiah 20:11 sums it up.  It says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  

So where do those little 'voices' telling me I'm unloveable, or I'm a loser come from?  Certainly not from the One who created me! Those types of messages are totally inconsistent with the messages He gives us in the Bible.

But those types of messages are absolutely consistent with the one who cannot tell the truth! The bible tells us he prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to destroy!  So to buy into his lies is to deceive ourselves, and to give power to the one who's only desire is to hurt us!

Any thought contrary to that verse in Jeremiah comes straight from Satan, the father of all liars! If I want to live a beautiful life, I have to purge Satan's lies from my mind and abide in the beautiful truths of Christ

Looking Backwards

This past September, before I was diagnosed with cancer, I took a part-time job at the school, teaching children who had difficulty reading. It was an ideal job while I was going through chemo because I worked with children individually, or in small groups.  I was so weak that managing a large class would've been overwhelming! 

It was good for me to work during this season of my life. The new challenge of teaching kept my mind busy, and the children gave me tons of joy!  The only problem was that (as one of my friends put it) I was working in a petri dish full of germs!

Chemo is notorious for annihilating the immune system, and I was no exception! Throughout treatment my white blood count was lower than low. There were times we would get to El Paso and there would be a debate about whether I could tolerate more chemo because of my blood count.  

I thought about wearing a mask to protect myself from the germs, but because I was using multi-sensory teaching techniques, the children needed to see my mouth and clearly hear my words.  A mask just wasn't an option.

My next thought was, if I can't wear a mask, maybe the children can. I got the greenlight from administration, then explained to the kids about the cancer and my fragile immune system.  I showed them the masks, and asked them to wear them if they had any symptom of sickness.  We spent a few minutes writing their names on their masks and decorating them, then I put them on the shelf where the kids could get them!

Throughout the spring semester the children would consistently come in and go straight to the shelf, get their mask, and put it on if they had a cough, or runny nose, or just felt bad. I never once had to ask them or remind them. Once the novelty of wearing the masks wore off, they were a pain, but the children continued to wear them to protect my health.  Even now, when I think about it, I get teary-eyed because the children were so caring!

Much of the spring semester I felt like I worked with a combination of the flu and a stomach bug.  It bothered me that my 'chemo-sickness' would negatively impact my classroom. Thankfully, the children progressed beautifully in their reading, writing, and spelling skills. 

Beyond academics there were some pretty important life lessons happening too! Certainly, lessons in consideration, and helpfulness!  Hopefully I demonstrated lessons in pushing beyond tough circumstances, while maintaining a good attitude!

This may sound like the year was kind of dreary, but In the midst of the difficulties, there was lots of laughter!  The funniest thing that happened was while we were doing an activity, my cap fell off. The kids were shocked to see my bald head, and they weren't sure how to react. Their precious, confused little faces were so adorable I couldn't help but laugh! When the kids realized it was ok, we all just sat on the floor laughing until tears ran down our cheeks!

I guess when you pass through hard times and look backwards, you can see the many blessings.  My blessings came in the form of precious students, supportive administration, and my sweet fellow teachers, friends, and family who sent floods of cards and messages of support, hope, and encouragement!  

I will always remember the 2017 - 18 as the hardest year of my life, but it's a year I wouldn't trade for anything. As I reflect back I have great gratitude for the many blessings this year brought!

Tenderness

Today, Teryn and I celebrate 37 years of marriage.  He doesn't know it, but he gave me the best gift ever this past weekend.

I've been having a post chemo complication for 5 weeks now.  My legs and feet are swelling, and when I stand or walk my pulse skyrockets, and my legs feel like jello.  Since I can't sit back during the day with my feet elevated, that's what I do when I get home from work.  Teryn waits on me hand and foot.  He brings me water, cooks, cleans, and does everything, while I just sit!

The other day, I was getting pretty frustrated, and said, "What if I'm like this for the rest of my life?"

Without a moments hesitation, Teryn answered, "Then I'll spend the rest of my life taking care of you!"

Cancer has changed our usual joking relationship, and the rough, tough cowboy has become very sweet and tender!  His answer to my question was the best gift he could have given, even after 37 years together!

Life Story

I often dream about the things that I see or hear during the day. The other day I read that Hemingway was challenged to write a six word story. The story was, 'For sale. Baby shoes. Never used.' 

That story packed a powerful punch, so it stayed with me, and I wound up dreaming about it. In my dream I was asking people to write their life story in six words. All night long, I'd wake up and work on my six word story, go to sleep, just to wake up and continue working on it. 

The next morning I told Teryn about it. He came up with his six word story within minutes. His was, 'Lost. Found. Forgiven. Redeemed. Eternal life!' After thinking about it for days, I think mine is, 'Ordinary life transformed. Now purpose-driven. Extraordinary!'

So, to continue my dream, can you write your life story in six words? If you can, please share!

A Beautiful Explanation of GOD

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?”The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”

“Nonsense” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”

The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”

The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”

The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”

The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”

“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”

The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”

The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”

Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”

To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.”